Please Leave a Message
by AlreadyPainfullyGone
Summary: Crack/Romance Dean and Castiel's relationship starts with a serious of cellphone pranks. Sam POV & Dean POV Dean writes 'for a good time call Cas 9875467' on every bathroom wall they see for three days...


For no good reason aside from boredom Dean writes 'For a good time call Cas 08459276' on the wall of every truck stop bathroom, diner washroom and motel toilet cubicle they encounter for three days. Sam catches him on the second day, magic marker in hand, snickering to himself.

"Oh c'mon dude, it's funny!"

Dean appropriates Castiel's cell phone every time the angel comes within pocket-picking distance (which is all the time, personal space issues can rock) the ringtone changes from generic, to 'Stairway to Heaven' to 'Halo' to 'Sexy Back' to 'Poker Face' in the course of a week, and Dean calls him whenever he remembers to, driving Castiel crazy in-between telephonic propositions from truckers, lonely salesmen and closeted small town diner patrons.

Sam grudgingly admits that this is quite funny, and even suggests a few songs (Both Sexy Back and Poker Face are his contributions).

Castiel is not amused, but appreciates the irony in a detached kind of way. He starts to purposefully ignore Dean's attempts to steal his phone, curious as to what song he will receive next.

In between ringtone changes Dean hunts down a copy of Busty Asian Beauties lost somewhere in the back of the impala. The back cover advertises wallpaper for cell phones and he dedicates an entire hour to choosing the nastiest one.

"Dean I really, really don't want to...what is she doing with...is that a kitten?"

"I hope not, otherwise I'm probably going to hell...again." Dean squints "maybe it's a rabbit?"

"You're not seriously going to put that on Cas's phone?"

"Nah...there are worse ones – Look..." He opens the magazine and thrusts it into Sam's unprepared face.

"Dean, you over share." He bats the magazine away and goes back to his actually relevant research. "Go for the top left, the rosary thing'll freak him out."

"Good choice." Dean makes a note of the code and lies in wait.

A day after 'Sister's Sonja's Secret Sin' makes it's phone debut, Castiel appears in their motel room, looking thunderous.

"Uhhh...Dean? Someone to see you." Sam calls towards the bathroom door. Over the trickling shower water Dean calls back, "If it's Cas take a message, I'm busy...and you're throwing me off!" Sam shudders, grateful that he took his shower before Dean, and that they'll be moving on before he has time to contemplate what happened in there.

Castiel cocks his head at the bathroom door, staring intently, then vanishes.

Dean yelps as the water turns suddenly ice cold, literally, as frost forms on the bathroom door and the walls crackle with ice crystals. The happy ending he was working on fractures under the arctic conditions and he hops from one frozen foot to the other, bolting out into the bedroom.

"My eyes!" Sam slaps a hand over his face, hiding from the sight of a naked, an undoubtedly cold Dean. "What. The. Hell. Dean?"

Dean just rolls himself in the duvet from Sam's bed, shuddering.

"Oh it's on now." He mutters through chattering teeth.

Sam comes across Dean a week later, hunched on his bed, calling the same number on his phone, hanging up and then dialling again.

"Pranking Cas? Seems a little unimaginative." Sam drops a paper wrapped burger onto the bed beside him.

"I set his cell to vibrate, now I'm calling him fifty times, really fast." Dean doesn't look gleeful at the thought of Cas's discomfort, but almost kind of...contemplative.

"Ok...let me know how that goes." Sam back off to his own bed and eats his lunch.

Castiel appears in the next town over, bursting into existence in the corner of the room where Dean's taken his conquest for the evening. Dean knows it's not an accident because instead of looking surprised or vanishing again, Castiel just stands there glaring at him like he's trying to see through both Dean and the wall behind him. The girl between Dean's knees is still making an admirable effort and he can't shove her off (left the point of no return a few minutes ago as a matter of fact) so he just locks eyes with the angel and raises his eyebrows.

_And what do you think you're doing here? Because you certainly aren't bothering me._ Is what he wants his expression to read.

Castiel's features shift almost imperceptibly.

_You're enjoying this. Why? _Castiel's voice sounds clearly in Dean's brain making him jump a little. He knows Castiel means the watching, not the blow job, which even a clueless angel can see would be pretty awesome.

He shakes his head roughly. No he is not enjoying this, Castiel seeing him like this, naked and about to burst with tension.

_You are. _Castiel's tones rumble through his consciousness. _I enjoy this...watching you._

Dean comes, whiting out for a seconds, which is long enough for Castiel to disappear.

He honestly doesn't know what game they're playing anymore.

Dean gives Castiel the wrong locations every time he calls for the next week. Sending him first to a strip joint, then a brothel, gay bar and a theatre (mid-production of Les Mis- which causes a lot of confusion).

Dean sends Castiel a picture of every single church they pass, complete with his own personal message – 'God isn't in right now, if you leave a message..."

He leaves long, rambling voice mails filled with pop culture references, idioms and speech devices.

'Hey Cas, we're taking our show off-road for a while for some R&R, planning a little house deviation, though not for long, don't want Sam going all 'Redrum' on my ass (or Brokeback come to think of it) still, if God comes home from skeeball practice, let us know ok?'

He isn't even enjoying the pranks anymore, but they keep him in contact with the angel and that's the point – they give him something to say that isn't about Lucifer.

Castiel somehow causes a pie shortage that covers the entire Mid-west.

Sam says he probably didn't, but Dean likes to think he's to blame.

They haven't seen the angel for weeks.

Dean plans his next move carefully, it takes him a long time to get up the nerve.

He takes a picture of the backseat of the impala.

"Room for one more – Want to see Idaho?" He texts underneath.

Castiel appears at their next rest stop, apple pie in hand.

Sam makes no comment on the fact that for the next week they have an angel riding with them.

Dean grabs Castiel and kisses him, snapping a picture in which the angels eyes are wide open.

This is so going to freak Sam out, Dean slurs, his seventh beer settling in with the rest.

Castiel grabs Dean back, kissing him hard enough to draw catcalls from the other bar patrons.

Sam gets a text one month into their new 'Two men and an angel' arrangement.

"Left thirty bucks on front seat of the car – get a room."

Sam pointedly acquires a new room on the other side of the motel.

The next morning Castiel looks slightly shell shocked in a way Sam defiantly doesn't want to think about. Dean just looks smug, and happy.

Sam spends three days inventing new ways to write 'Dean and Cas 4eva' writing them on bathroom walls and motel mirrors, he sends a photo of each one to Dean.

Dean keeps 'Dean and Castiel (at last!)' as his wall paper.

Castiel sticks with 'Destiel Drama-lama'

(Sam started to run out of ideas around day two. )


End file.
